


Compared Child

by Loonilie



Category: Original Work
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:27:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27200422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loonilie/pseuds/Loonilie
Kudos: 1





	Compared Child

> _"Have you heard? There's a story going around "_
> 
> _"The one everyone is talking about"_

"Looks like your sister beat you again!." A schoolmate said with a fair grin on his face.

"I already know, you don't have to tell me." The girl replied before making her way through the hallway filled with chattering students, all of their ominous eyes are piercing inside of me. I can clearly hear them talking about me and my twin sister. I'll never be as good as her. Please don't compare and compare. Just leave me alone. My heart hurts and It's troubling. I already know the gap between us yet I was reaching too high. No matter what I choose...There was more failures than success and then I only got hurt again and they just always mock me without an end. It seems my failures are standing out. I guess It's just fate that people mock when I fail at what I love the most.

Back at home. It's only the same..my parents expect me to be the best of the best like her, but what can I do? I was doing my best yet I can't. Those frustrating remarks and criticism from everyone were like voices grabbing every opportunity to torture me inside of my thoughts slowly, but surely. How easy would It be If all this was put to an end or so I kept wishing even though It was pointless and before I knew it crystalline tears were falling from my eyes. I know that my efforts be rewarded even 'til the end

Will I ever find a sanctuary? One where I could rest in peace. One where no one will mock me. One where no one would hurt me. One where It will all be quiet. One where I could be happy.

At the rooftop, where I hang around despite the wounds and bruises I received from them. From not being a perfect daughter. I sit and walk on the edges with my phone in-hand. I found my place on the internet. I spent my free time talking to cats and publishing random videos. Ranging from playing the piano or just me dancing on the edges of the rooftop.

Despite that I treat the internet as my sanctuary. There were still..stupid humans..out there stabbing me either behind my back or right in front of me. I guess that's what their nature really is while I'm their target. A vulnerable mouse. A lot of them whom I treated as friends or maybe even fans from the videos I publish would always jokingly encourage me to jump off the roof where I hang out. It's toxic but I can't detach myself from them. They are my only friends after all. The only ones.

Still I felt alone. I slowly started to crave the attention I wasn't able to receive from my parents. I started posting my thoughts on the internet even personal ones day after day: Like how tired I became , Like how lonely I was , Like how I get abused ,bulliedor get compared to my sister , Like how I was contemplating to commit suicide. I was shocked to see all of their responses were positive and encouraging me. Still I had never felt such happiness and at the same time how depressing It felt.

The next day came, I felt empty numb even..I didn't have the energy to get out of bed of go to school. I didn't have the energy to even move a limb. I even made an excuse that I was sick so my parents won't barge into my room yelling why I haven't left the bed and gone to school. It was really suffocating be stuck in a cycle of suffering and loneliness.

To comfort myself I decided to do a livestream. Fortunately no one in my family knew I do livestreams or post videos on the internet so I felt safe for that moment and that I wouldn't be called as a 'nuisance' to the family. I opened my camera as I proceeded to continue the livestream while laying on bed. "Hi everyone! Another random livestream from your favorite girl, Yukari-chan!" I said with such a happy tone despite what I'm truly feeling perhaps I had grown attached to this internet persona of mine? As If It was the real me and the compared and broken doll, Yukari was just nothing but a play. A sorrowful play.

_"What will you do in this livestream today, Yukari-chan?" -asui099_

_"Yeah what?" - bloop_

_"Go to the rooftop!" - cat_

_"We want to see you dancing on the edge again!" - anteik33_

_"Don't listen to them sweetie." -freida_

_"Bother your own business, freida" - anteik33_

"Sorry guys, I won't be going to the rooftop. For now, I have interesting thoughts I wanna share" I apologized as I fixed my position and sat. Proceeding to tell them all my

thoughts including the fact I wanna dance in the air..Fly maybe. Like usual, most of them were supportive of my thoughts while some. A minority was against it: In a way they would scold me through the live chat accompanied by insults. The livestream went on for hours with me talking and even playing the piano. Without knowing, sunset came. I went to look at the window. To gaze upon the astonishing yet beautiful sunset. It's amazing to think how colors could blend so well together like this and with that I waved good bye and finished the livestream.

With a heavy heart I breathed out as I went upstairs once again reaching the rooftop. There I enjoyed being alone since I could do anything there. I could laugh, sing ,dance or even shout..No I was always shouting even when I'm not here at the rooftop. It's just that no one really heard me. Once again, I did my own thing. I ran around the rooftop as If I was on a stage as I sang and danced with the lights coming from the other buildings as my only spotlights and the birds serving as my audience. If only I had the piano with me up here..It would be wonderful. As I continued, I felt my whole body aching especially my heart as tears started to fall down. The feeling of a bittersweet nostalgia, longing for the past made me sick. Just what did I do wrong? What the hell did I do wrong to get hurt like this? To get compared...To be bullied...To be hurt physically and mentally...To be looked down upon..I did everything I could just to be that 'ideal and perfect daughter' no..To be like her. To be like my twin sister. But at the same time I can't bring myself to hate them. I loved them so I tried my best to please them but I guess that didn't work out well. 

Wiping the tears from my eyes, once again I opened a livestream and placed it on the perfect spot for the whole view of the rooftop to be seen and including me. I didn't had the energy to greet them so I continued to sing and dance until both of my feet reached the edge. Unconsciously, I started to laugh with my voice breaking from the tears I am now pouring. The lumpy feeling in my throat that avoid to swallow as my arms wrapped Itself around my waist. My whole body was shivering tremendously as I tried to catch my breathe that was running away from me. Without knowing, I was already flying . I came to see a world filled with lights rising all together somehow with only that I felt comforted. My body stopped shivering ,my tears already dried but I couldn't bring myself to detach my own arms from my waist. Was It because that I felt scared? Heh. I guess fear springs up even If It was tucked into the deepest depths in my mind. I closed my eyes as my lips curled into a pitiful smile and before I knew It my body would not budge.

> _"The girl went ahead and died."_
> 
> _"_

Aa


End file.
